March 01, 2006

The complexities of life

So what do I do?

So far, four years of my life and a sum of money I'd rather not contemplate have been wasted to let me know I hate marketing and anything to do with it. I had to do something, I guess.

Now I'm too worn out to even consider more schooling for a while, at least, so I've got to do something. My current job, working for the best non-family boss I've ever had, allows me to have fun, but independent life is out of the question lest currency suddenly deflates whilst salaries don't. Do I continue looking at car dealers, knowing I'll dread waking up every morning I have to fill any of the positions (outside of ownership) there? Do I pursue automotive journalism, forcing an occasional, casual hobby into a low-paying struggle for words I'd rather not evoke? Do I move to my most despised place on Earth to get a decent job with a decent company?

Does everyone have this problem?

I know the question - what do I enjoy? I enjoy the celebration of the car, the collecting of the car, the study of the car, even the very existence of the car. Will anyone pay me for that? I enjoy putting on headphones and losing myself in a simple complex collection of notes. Will anyone pay me for that? I enjoy turning on an outstanding movie, having my emotions tugged at by the story, my senses awed by the production. Will anyone pay me for that? I enjoy an honest, in-depth discussion with a person of like and (yet?) competent mind. I don't even need to ask if anyone will pay me for that - it just leads to a razor cut through renumeration.

I long for the redundancy of money.